Chuck Wendig gets at something that has been bugging me the last few days about the "This is no locker room talk I've ever heard!" protestations. Referring to Kelly Oxford's #notokay project, here's Wendig:
Now, unless we are to assume that these millions of women have been assaulted only by Trump and his cronies, I think it’s woefully fair to expect that these women are telling the truth and have been assaulted by everything from ex-boyfriends to husbands to family members to random men on public transportation. Which is to say, Trump is not a singular creature. He was not created in a vacuum. If there are millions of women assaulted, then there are millions of men doing the assaulting. We need to believe what these women are telling us.
I don’t know that in my life I’ve ever heard commentary like what Trump uttered at quite the level of pure, unmitigated rape culture he’s spouting — his words were, like I said, an admission and an endorsement of that kind of culture. It offered a clear picture of terrible men holding power and expressing that power not on behalf of women but rather, against them. Power serving as a weapon of desire and control.
But just the same, I’ve heard some nasty shit.
While I can understand where men are coming from with this sort of outraged response, it is not actually true, and that's a problem. Trump is horrible, and what he said (and did) is awful, but it's just as awful when anyone else says and does this kind of stuff, and Wendig is right–plenty of men say and do this kind of stuff.
Insisting that it doesn't happen or that it isn't widespread helps no one.
Go read Wendig's whole post. More importantly, read the NYT article on Kelly Oxford's #notokay hashtag.